Searching for Your Soulmate

There's a new book out about finding the perfect partner, a soul mate. I would suspect that if you are waiting for your soul mate you will have a very long wait. Most couples in my book who had previously been happily married and then widowed have found new, wonderful romances. Of course if you believe that there is that perfect man or woman out there for you who has to fit all of your specifications, you may be sadly disappointed.

The author also suggested that those looking for romance should imagine what the new partner should look like, to visualize in your mind a physical description. I disagree. A friend of mine was widowed and she was determined that she wouldn't date anyone who was bald or small in stature. She had numerous opportunities but refused every invitation to dinner or for a drink. It didn't matter to her how nice a man might be. If he wasn't tall, reasonably wealthy and distinguished looking, she wasn't interested. Consequently, she sat home alone most evenings.

I suggest you write down a list of characteristics which you would like to find in a person for a serious relationship. Someone who is kind? Likes animals? Enjoys travel? If you have a hobby or are concerned about the environment that's a place to start as well. An antique car show may be a good place to meet someone new but if you don't like antique cars don't go there. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life hanging around antique car shows?

Make your quest an adventure. If you expect to find that new romance every time you go to a party or to a singles dance or on every blind date, you will be continually discouraged and depressed. And sometimes it just takes time. One couple in my book met at Toastmaster's Club and dated once or twice. The relationship just didn't seem to take. They worked together on committees and attended the same social events, but it wasn't until several years later that they tried dating again. Eureka! They discovered this time there was magic in the match.

There are more than 50 ways that couples have met in "50 Ways to Find Romance after 50". Actually almost all examples are good for couples of any age. One popular and successful plan is going to class reunions. Not only do I have a couple in my book who did this, but I've since met several others who found romance with classmates years later.

I accidentally met my wonderful romance by following my own advice. I was a widow for over 23 years. Although I met numerous men at civic meetings and at functions where I was the photographer and while I dated for most of those years, I still hadn't discovered just the right man for me. One of the ways a couple in my book had met was through a dating service on the internet. At the time I began researching my material, there were few services on the web and far more mature women than men. After the book was published, I joined three dating groups to find out what was going on although by this time I really wasn't looking. I was busy marketing my book by giving numerous talks, being interviewed by radio hosts and continually looking for new information about romance, a subject I had been researching for over 30 years.

One of the first profiles I saw on the dating service was an artist, Harry Borgman. Bingo. After numerous emails, we met. Within weeks we were dating and having a great time. We still are! He is the cartoonist on this site and you can find his blogs and website on my "links".

So don't be discouraged. Romance may be waiting just around the corner.

If you are interested in my book, just leave a comment below this post and I'll get back to you or go to my website for my email. I'll get back to you.

Gloria

A Long Distance Relationship

Hello there,

While working on my book, "50 Ways to Find Romance after 50," I interviewed a couple who met on the internet. ( You can read their story on page 157.) I also discovered at that time one of my columnists, a vice-president for a local bank, who wrote about investments for my magazine "Choices" met his second wife on-line. Both couples were very happy and pleased with their experiences. When I had started writing the book in 1998, there were only a few general sites. Shortly after I finished my book in 2002, I checked back on the internet to see what was happening on the dating sites. I found there were an abundance of them. For instance, if you like horses, you can find other singles who also like horses, or dogs, or travel, etc.

I joined three dating services to monitor them and found at that time there were the most possibilities for older singles on Yahoo Personal. It was there I saw a picture of a man holding a cat that looked interesting to me (the man not the cat). I have loved and lived with cats all my life and while most of the men I had dated in the past, tolerated them, none shared my enthusiasm.

It turned out to be a fortunate choice. Harry (who draws the cartoons on this blog) is an artist with a similar life style to mine. He has three cats, I have two, and we had a wonderful time together right from the beginning. There are some problems such as getting our cats to get along with each other, and driving the 100 miles between our two homes, but basically it's a great relationship. What I'm saying is that you need to find someone who has the same interests and values as you do. We have both led independent life styles so we understand the self discipline it takes to be successful. Of course it's that very independent life style we have developed over the years that is making it so difficult to combine our lives. We love all our friends in both locations. It's too bad we can't just draw a circle and drop our lives and all our friends into it.

One of the guidelines that I suggest in my book is that you only date people within a 60 miles radius which seemed to work well for the couples I interviewed. Even though I had asked to see men within that area, dating sites often ignore the parameters you request. Within 60 miles it's pretty easy to drive back and forth, meet their friends, see where they live. The 100 miles Harry and I drive can be an effort. Now I am most happy that my wishes were ignored, but until we figure out how to combine his studio with his many computers in his Frank Lloyd Wright type house and my almost 100 year old house in which I have lived for ever and which is filled with my writing, photography, antiques etc. we cannot go forward. A shorter distance would have been really nice. We also travel a fair amount which we enjoy and we both have excellent cat sitters. This photo was taken in Las Vegas where Harry has friends from the days he worked in advertising in Detroit. You can read about those on his Harry Borgman Art Blog.

In my last post I mentioned my friend Sheila, a psychic and an astrologer. She called me last night about the full moon. Here's a few words about that:


The full moon, November 13 , was in the sign of Taurus the Bull. This sign is the second house of the zodiac and rules the neck and shoulders.It is the last phase of the moon opposite Mars. This position of the moon can make work quite difficult. However reverse psychology can work well at a time such as this. If you can identify the barriers that have blocked your progress, work at dissolving them.

The moon is actually good for healing and losing weight. Visualize the obstacle and focus on replacing it with what you DO want.

Sheila will talk about astrology charts, comparision of lovers' charts, and good times for love and success in future posts.

That's it for today. Tell your friends about this blog and join in the full. Lots more coming with stories of health, travel, and of course, romance.

Gloria