Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Spouse's Suvivor Benefits Myth

There is a myth about the spouse losing her social security benefits if her husband dies and she remarries again. This myth has been going on since the 1970s and probably before.

Just recently a friend of ours joined us for lunch. He had been widowed last year by a long time friend of mine. He admitted that he was finally dating but that they couldn't think of marrying because she would lose her social security. Not true.

Take the widow's or widower's benefits if you remarry. Generally you cannot get widow's or widower's if you remarry before age 60. But remarriage after age 60 will not prevent you from getting benefit payments based on your former spouse's work record. And at age 62 or older, you may get benefits based on your new spouse's work, if those benefits would be higher.

Or if they are a surviving divorced spouse age 60 or older. A deceased worker's former spouse may qualify for benefits if the marriage lasted at least 10 years. However, a former spouse does not have to meet age and length-of-marriage rules if he or she is caring for the deceased worker's child younger that 16 and entitled to benefits on the deceased worker's record. The child also must be the former spouse's natural or legally adopted child.

I have always thought that this myth is the result of one spouse not wanting to marry again but its all right to date. If you wish an official version of this, take a look at Survivor Benefits (Pub.No. 05-10084) for more information.

Have Fun. Gloria

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Understanding Each Other!

In almost every relationship between men and women, there comes a time when frustration becomes rampant! The woman feels as if she is talking to a wall. The man
gets lost with everything his woman is saying and turns her off. Thus he doesn't remember what she said because he never really heard it. He was thinking about something else and her request/complaint simply never penetrated.

Not only that. She feels that her guy needs reassurance and/or compliments continually. Often he requires attention....usually while she is busy washing the dishes or cleaning the floor. She rarely worries about her ego. She just does the job and gets on with life. Why can't he?

Years ago I attended a lecture by a psychologist who had worked with Americans who had been brain washed while prisoners of war in W.W.II enemy countries. Those experts doing the brain washing used the knowledge that men have egos that go up and down and manipulated their subjects accordingly. Men need the compliments, the reassurances to keep their egos healthy and well. Even the most secure of men find their egos appreciate a little lift now and then. It's the nature of the beast, so to speak. Ha!

Now women are quite different. Yes, I know that's evident! Our egos go around and around, thus renewing ourselves. Oh we appreciate being appreciated, no doubt about that! But most of us don't need a steady homage to our egos!

Recent research using MRI's may explain this difference. Women are good at multitasking. We can think of several things at a time. Where are the kids? What's for dinner? Did we make all the calls at work? etc.

Men tend to focus on one event, such as a football game, or if they are creative, their creation which they are in the process of creating, or that deal which they have been working on for the last week. Their mind is set on that switch and other things in their lives are just static. We could be nice and call it background music.

I hope this makes sense. If we both understand why men and women act as they do, we may have more tolerance with each other. No one is deliberately out to ignore or denigrate the other. It's just the way our brain works. And perhaps that is why it often seems that men can accomplish great deeds while women are more concerned with
details. And if women understand that their ability to multitask can defeat their desire to accomplish great works, they can plan ahead and focus on the one thing their heart desires. When I wrote my book, "50 Ways to Find Romance after 50" I found that I had to isolate myself and refrain from even calling my friends until that day's writing was done. I also had to ignore the dust, any fun dates, etc. You can see the results on my website and read excerpts from it. I also have a special on it and you can order it through pay pal. (See link on right.)

Speaking of attaining a heart's desire, my partner, Harry Borgman, has created a wonderful design for a sculpture which a local artists group, the Harbor Country Public Arts Initiative, hopes to have cast and erected on the Red Arrow Highway by Sawyer Road in southwest Michigan.(Here's how it might look.) They have already placed several other sculptures in the area and are currently raising money for Harry's design. While Harry is well-known for his work in advertising and his paintings which may be seen on his website (see link on the right of this blog) and although he has sold many smaller pieces of sculpture, he would be thrilled to see this orange mental 18 foot high nautical salute welcoming people to Harbor County. If you would like to contribute toward this wonderful project, you can email me or Harry and we'll send you the address.

Note: I have much to add about MSG and its 'friends' in coming blogs and also the story about Susie and her vacation helping to take care of abused elephants in Thailand. I have had another round with MSG and find it difficult to eat in restaurants which I really enjoy.