Saturday, January 10, 2009

Searching for Your Soulmate

There's a new book out about finding the perfect partner, a soul mate. I would suspect that if you are waiting for your soul mate you will have a very long wait. Most couples in my book who had previously been happily married and then widowed have found new, wonderful romances. Of course if you believe that there is that perfect man or woman out there for you who has to fit all of your specifications, you may be sadly disappointed.

The author also suggested that those looking for romance should imagine what the new partner should look like, to visualize in your mind a physical description. I disagree. A friend of mine was widowed and she was determined that she wouldn't date anyone who was bald or small in stature. She had numerous opportunities but refused every invitation to dinner or for a drink. It didn't matter to her how nice a man might be. If he wasn't tall, reasonably wealthy and distinguished looking, she wasn't interested. Consequently, she sat home alone most evenings.

I suggest you write down a list of characteristics which you would like to find in a person for a serious relationship. Someone who is kind? Likes animals? Enjoys travel? If you have a hobby or are concerned about the environment that's a place to start as well. An antique car show may be a good place to meet someone new but if you don't like antique cars don't go there. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life hanging around antique car shows?

Make your quest an adventure. If you expect to find that new romance every time you go to a party or to a singles dance or on every blind date, you will be continually discouraged and depressed. And sometimes it just takes time. One couple in my book met at Toastmaster's Club and dated once or twice. The relationship just didn't seem to take. They worked together on committees and attended the same social events, but it wasn't until several years later that they tried dating again. Eureka! They discovered this time there was magic in the match.

There are more than 50 ways that couples have met in "50 Ways to Find Romance after 50". Actually almost all examples are good for couples of any age. One popular and successful plan is going to class reunions. Not only do I have a couple in my book who did this, but I've since met several others who found romance with classmates years later.

I accidentally met my wonderful romance by following my own advice. I was a widow for over 23 years. Although I met numerous men at civic meetings and at functions where I was the photographer and while I dated for most of those years, I still hadn't discovered just the right man for me. One of the ways a couple in my book had met was through a dating service on the internet. At the time I began researching my material, there were few services on the web and far more mature women than men. After the book was published, I joined three dating groups to find out what was going on although by this time I really wasn't looking. I was busy marketing my book by giving numerous talks, being interviewed by radio hosts and continually looking for new information about romance, a subject I had been researching for over 30 years.

One of the first profiles I saw on the dating service was an artist, Harry Borgman. Bingo. After numerous emails, we met. Within weeks we were dating and having a great time. We still are! He is the cartoonist on this site and you can find his blogs and website on my "links".

So don't be discouraged. Romance may be waiting just around the corner.

If you are interested in my book, just leave a comment below this post and I'll get back to you or go to my website for my email. I'll get back to you.


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